But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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