Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
