Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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