you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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