she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
