It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
