Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
