New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
