All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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