Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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