I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
