Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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