So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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