whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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