someone threw a dead crab at me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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