My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
