She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
