This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
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When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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