and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
