Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
