Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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