It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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