I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
