and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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