farters have to be the big spoon...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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