I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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