I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
