That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
