if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
