hotel room ftw
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
