You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
