Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
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Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
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Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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