saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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