My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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