Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
