I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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