oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
