shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
my poor anus
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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