I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
