Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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