Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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