Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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