After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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