yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
