Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha