so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.