Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
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Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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