Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize