she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
