If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
