wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
