Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
