Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
