But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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