just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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