how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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