fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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