I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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