Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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