Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You made out with two different species that night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
