omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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