I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
